What if I’m reading this and I’ve never had depression? I have no idea what it feels like. I hope over time I will help bridge that gap as well as try my best to explain the affliction that is depression. Watching the heartbreak my husband went through dealing with my own depression and anxiety inspired me to share my perspective as well as his.

First let’s call a spade a spade, some of you reading this aren’t sure, depression is real. It appears someone is just self-involved, sad, negative or insecure. Well while those things might be true, and that’s unfortunately how depression is manifested to the outsider, the reality is there is a war being waged inside their mind. A war that no one sees, hears, or experiences. The individual experiencing this depression is in pain, and their pain is real and present. So how do we explain a battle that no one sees or hears?  We’re unable and let’s be honest sometimes unwilling to share our inner most thoughts, even if we could, we wouldn’t want you to know. We know it’s not rational, and it doesn’t make sense.  The biggest struggle for someone who is in the throes of depression, is the inability to trust their own thoughts. Their thoughts are skewed, irrational, and not based in truth. Another aspect that is hard for someone on the outside to grasp, is how day to day life seems so hard. Taking your kids to the grocery store, just sounds impossible. For me taking my six-month-old to swimming lessons, was about the only thing I could do in a day. It wore me out. The smallest of tasks has somehow depleted every ounce of energy I have. You feel as though you are carrying a 50lb weight wherever you go.

So, what can you as the friend or loved one, to walk through this trial with them? Listen, and then listen some more. It’s important they feel they have an outlet to be honest and open with. This should not take the place of professional counseling or medication if deemed necessary. (I’ll take more at length about medication). What would you do and how would you respond if this person had cancer, instead of depression? Maybe help with errands, offer to cook a meal, take them to a funny movie, watch their kids for a couple of hours, in short serve them and don’t take no for an answer. Be relentless in loving the individual going through this battle. They want your support, whether that is apparent or not. Listen to what they say and what they are going through. It may not make sense, it may seem unreasonable, but it is very real. They have lost the desire to do so many things, because of depression, day to day life just has no appeal. Remind them of who they were before depression. This is a wonderful gift you can give them, because they have lost sight of who they were before this ugly disease creeped in their life. #hopeandlaughter #depressionisreal #iamnottheonlyone

Sara

We view anxiety as situational and not that big of a deal when in reality we underestimate the joy it steals from our everyday life. It doesn’t always manifested the way we expect, or when we expect.  We have mislabeled anxiety as a personality traits such as anger, irritability, stress, or laziness Instead we need to recognize these issues as symptoms. Symptoms of the bigger issue.

What is Depression and how do we possibly explain what it’s like to someone who has never experienced it. Most of the time I feel like people with depression are viewed as either sad, pessimistic, socially awkward or just hard to be around; maybe that’s just my own experience. The difference between depression versus other illnesses, yes its’ an illness, is the minimal outward signs. Because depression is a disease of the mind and not of the body, it goes unnoticed. Most of the symptoms of depression are mistaken for  laziness, bad habits, or personality.

For those on the outside trying to understand what depression is, it’s hard to explain the inward battle going on in the mind every day, every hour, virtually every second. When someone is depressed they naturally internalize all interactions and believe they are at fault. This frame of mind is their default setting. One of the toughest aspects of depression is that you can no longer trust your internal thoughts; analysis paralysis with an inaccurate view of reality. How do you explain to someone that your mind isn’t functioning the same, you see the world differently and that it is a constant battle in your head that you are virtually exhausted from and no one has a clue this battle even exists. Never mind the day to day chores, experiences, work and family that you have to maintain on top of this. In most people’s minds if they can’t see it then it doesn’t exist. The statistics on depression are staggering. 25% of all US adults have mental illness, 50% of all adults will develop mental illness in their lifetime, that’s some big numbers. Did you know that mental illness results in more disability than other group of illnesses including cancer and heart disease and yet we are still so ignorant to understanding it.

In most people’s minds if they can’t see it then it doesn’t exist.

So where do we go from here? As your friend, as your advocate as someone who is walking this journey with you I don’t want to leave you there. We must first recognize that being depressed doesn’t make you less, isn’t some sort of punishment and most of all it’s not your fault. You didn’t bring this on yourself. I know it and you need to hold on to that TRUTH. Truth is the key to this battle and the key to winning it. Depression is a constant lie you are trying to overcome and the only way to overcome lies is with truth.

Then you will know the truth and the truth will set you free.  John 8:32

Sara